SPILL

An overwhelming influx of Helvetica and Avenir text has brought the city to a standstill, obstructing movement and creating eyesores. Neglect for our part of the city has become the norm. Swaths of superfluous typefaces, symbols, and punctuation have cluttered the streets and alleyways, causing significant inconvenience and congestion. The Department of Sanitation’s statement, “These things happen in a democracy such as ours,” is unacceptable. Expert consensus warns that this is merely the start of a broader, more malicious epidemic of corrupt, ignorant, and dangerous First Amendment violators and reckless scoundrels.

We’ve all become accustomed to the alt-facts, untruths, corrosive tweets, and manipulated texts that circulate throughout our various electronic media and social platforms. But did you know these extra texts, these excessive IMs, these unhinged, grossly incompetent conspiratorial opinions, are starting to appear in concrete form? Yes, that’s right, spoken words and electronic texts have now emerged into tangible letters, symbols, and punctuation bits that you can hold in your hand, inundating our precious environment with residual and distinct fragments of bogus claims, exaggerated personal experiences, and plain trifling testimonials, to name a few. To state the obvious, this situation is creating heaps of havoc upon our streets, parks, and maintenance systems.

Until recently, our public waste management facilitators have been dumping these inconsequential and fabricated remnants of protected free speech into landfill areas near the south side of Castaic Lake on the northeast side of the County. This process of removing and hauling tangible misinformation has occurred under the radar of most citizens. Still, with a surprising uptick of unwise and ignorant typers, freedom of speech manipulators, and folks with too much time on their hands, the situation has become unmanageable.

Please be mindful that false facts, reckless opinions, and plain old useless information can be corrosive to the happiness and well-being of our ordinary citizens. Simply put, this state of affairs is clogging up the public services of this fair city, creating a mess of things, and polluting our streets and sewers with elements that started as crooked ambitions, feckless attitudes, and twisted circumstances. Beware of disproportionate expressionaires, desperate influencers, and anxious voice-activated textual conspirators. We promise to get a handle on this once-in-a-thousand-year plight of needy opinion exaggerators and demonstrative device tweakers, but until then, please, if you see clusters of word waste, piles of text litter, or streams of vile chat pollution, sweep it up and dispose of it in your nearest trash container or call your local Sanitation department and report the problem.

Thank you – Concerned Citizens